Not just for Cabal Leaders - How to handle three types of difficult conversations

Here's a business tip from the Harvard Business Review: LINK to original article

So, having spent Christmas in New Orleans, here's a langiappe article.  Langiappe is Creole for 'a little something extra' and so this is coming out midweek.

This article isn't aimed just at cabal leaders and cabal managers*, but at everyone in a cabal or guild. We all find ourselves in tense situations where OOC interpersonal conflict is occurring.  The right thing to do is to be calm, talk honestly, and work it out like adults. That's sooo much easier said than done. Here's some walkthroughs of three very difficult conversations

What if - you don't like a decision that was made...

Maybe the cabal decided that they weren't going to raid any more, or that they wanted to change how recruiting was done, or that they wanted to pursue a certain RP plotline.  This decision affects you - it was done without you getting a chance to give your input - and you REALLY disagree.  This can make ANYONE hopping mad.

However, if you start screeching you'll instantly lose any chance of changing the decision and you're going to look like a dick. You might even lose a friend over it. Walk away. Get calm. THEN, in an adult, controlled, and compassionate way, explain how you feel that the decision has negative outcomes for the entire cabal. Also, go talk to the cabal first.  You might find that others are unhappy with the decision as well. (Alternately, you may find out that you're alone in being unhappy about the decision, and that maybe it's time for you to accept it and move on.)

Most importantly, go beyond the problem.  Don't just complain that you don't like something, offer a reasonable alternative or solution.

Find a good time to go to the cabal leader or cabal manager that made the decision. You should BOTH be in a relaxed, calm, non-aggressive place, and talk to this person gently.

Bad: WTF? What do you mean we're going to start PvPing on Tuesdays instead of raiding? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! You are a !@#$%ing idiot!

Better: I see something happening here, and I'm concerned about what this is going to do to our cabal in the long-term.  We've made a name for ourselves as a PvE group, and our membership, as a whole, is not that interested in PvP. By moving to a more PvP footing, we stand a chance of alienating our veterans. We can't lose them! What if we PvP on Thursdays, and also keep Tuesday as raid night so we can do both things?



What if - you need to make critical comments in a public forum...

If you feel like you MUST make an critical comment out in the open, then make sure you're calling it out in the right forum. In-game cabal chat, cabal website chat, and cabal forums all have different audiences (slightly) and have different "lingering" times where other people can see your comment.  Often, you are better off talking to your group from within your group website or in-game channels. Calling out your cabal on Twitter or in a public forum makes you look like a dick - so avoid that. Plus you lose social capital in the long term by being rash or mean.

This conversation can be the nightmare case, but it doesn't have to be, particularly if you're disagreeing for the best of reasons and doing so in a kind and polite way. Don't be a complainer - be a problem solver.

Bad:

My cabal runs stupid plots. I quit. #deathspiral #hivehum #tsw #blametomium
(From http://www.lemmetweetthatforyou.com/)

Better: Focus on the fact you're trying to do what you think is best for the entire group, and say so. Realize that if you have a concern, you're probably not alone. Try to feel out some of your cabalmates and see if you're alone in your concerns. You can start the conversation by focusing on a good outcome for the group.

"I really enjoy being a part of this cabal, and I want to make sure we're one of the best RP cabals out there, which is why I'm raising this concern. I know that a lot of folks think we can RP this Phoenician storyline as-is and they've worked hard to support it.  I feel very strongly that the way we're going about it is most likely going to be in conflict with the lore, now that we've seen a bit more about Phoenicians due to the Christmas event. I fear that we are going to really put off a lot of people by breaking with accepted lore.  What if we recast a few of these elements to make sure we're more in line with what's in the game? I think we could do that by..."



What if - someone in your cabal loses their cool with you...

This is one of THE most difficult conversations to have.  Anger from a cabalmate or colleague, and the verbal abuse that all-too-often goes with it, can cause a purely biological fight-or-flight reaction. Our adrenaline rises, heart rate surges, and the temptation to just "scream" right back at them via text can be nearly overwhelming.  Don't give in to mere biochemistry - keep your cool.  Let your cabalmate's words just flood past you.  The original article states "Most people reciprocate other people’s behavior. It takes discipline not to get angry in response. But it’s effective.”  By not firing back an angry salvo, YOU look like the adult in the situation, and that gives you power, and gets respect from your cabalmates (and they might take your side as the 'victim' in the verbal barrage). And the other guy looks like a real jerk.

Bad: "Just STFU you ignorant jerk."

Better: Don't cower. Don't apologize. Don't interrupt. Just let them go.  If they're so emotional that you (or they) just can't talk rationally right now, then identify the situation for what it is, disengage, and meet later to talk like adults. Do whatever you have to in order to keep your cool.

"This has gotten ugly and emotional. That's not going to get this problem solved. We both want what's best for this group, and we disagree on what that is.  Let's both walk away for now and talk about this later. Is Thursday good for you?"



Sometimes, these things happen entirely out of the blue, and they can take you by surprise It's okay to admit being surprised. Just stay neutral, and try to get the person who's lost their cool to start thinking rationally. It doesn't always work, but it's worth a try.

Save the PvP for Fusang
(From Funcom's media library)

"Hunh, wow... I'm kinda surprised by this, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. What do you think we should do next to resolve this?"


Their answer might be 'you should do what I say!', and if that's not the best course of action (in your mind) then make a date to discuss it rationally, as needed.




Other times, you've said something that caused your cabalmate to go off the rails. Sadly, this is far too easy to do in text without the body language cues needed to aid communication.  If you screwed something up, OWN IT, and apologize immediately.  If your screwup was in a public channel, you should apologize in a public channel. Just say you're sorry, and then be done with it. Don't keep explaining more than a line or two.

"I'm so sorry. I screwed it up. I meant that to be funny, and it clearly wasn't.  I apologize. I didn't want to upset you or hurt your feelings."


While these conversations are often going to still be incredibly difficult, coming at them from a broad-minded, cabal-focused point of view, and remaining calm will help you get through them. Sadly, the best way to improve your skills with these kinds of difficult conversations is actually to have these difficult conversations.  Avoiding them is just delaying them, and potentially setting up a larger argument down the road.

Just remember, stay neutral, stay calm, and focus on the big picture. You can do it.

And here are some pictures of New Orleans:

* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

Avoiding Cabal Leader Burnout - Practice Emotional Hygiene

Original article courtesy of Psychology Today, Squeaky Wheel Blog LINK, but you can find more information HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Being a cabal leader (or cabal manager*) can be a very stressful "second job'. While there are a lot of

Protect yourself!
(From Funcom's Media Library)

high points, you are also ground zero for the complaints, the drama llamas, and the people who think they can do your job better than you can. This is not a good spot for the faint of heart - and one of the reasons that 'cabal leader burnout' is so prevalent.

So how can you help take care of your own mental health and safety to avoid burnout?

Emotional hygiene means adopting mindful, small habits that monitor your stress levels and deal with them as appropriate.

After all, you probably brush and floss?
What do you do to maintain your mental health?

You probably put band-aids or antibiotic ointment on cuts and scratches?
How do you identify and treat psychological 'wounds'?


1. Pay Attention to Emotional Pain

Pain is a vital signal to let you know something isn't quite right. However, while identifying a toothache or a headache is pretty easy, identifying how you're feeling emotionally isn't a skill most people practice.  By naming your emotions as you experience them, and asking yourself why you're feeling them is good emotional hygiene to understand how you're feeling.

For instance, if someone starts griping in cabal chat that the event you planned is at a time that's inconvenient for them, and it makes you angry, pause to ask yourself what you're feeling, and why. Are you angry because you feel that this person takes you for granted? Are you angry because you're afraid you're not giving your cabal the events that it wants?  

Being able to "meet yourself" and ask how you're doing is an important part of emotional hygiene.

Alexithymia is the technical name for a condition in which one has difficulty naming ones own feelings. This can be the consequence of a neurological disability or past trauma or just from lack of training and support in knowing and expressing ones feelings.


2. Stop Emotional Bleeding

Sometimes, there's an "emotional wound" that keeps bothering you. Maybe you screwed something up, and now you're feeling less self-confident, or helpless, and that makes you more likely to fail in the future. You need to identify these kinds of emotional wounds and 'treat' them. By paying attention to emotional pain, maybe you can identify what's bothering you.  

Now what?

While you're busy asking yourself what you're feeling and why, ask yourself what soothes you, or recharges your batteries?  Maybe it's a couple hours of Call of Duty, or playing with your kids, or hitting the gym hard.  When you find yourself feeling beat up - deal with the problem in an adult fashion, and then make it a point to reward yourself with some "you time".

If the problem is more serious then take it more seriously (at your own pace). Figure out how you helped create the problem, decide to change what didn't work, and then move on.  You can't change the past, and so don't let it preoccupy you more than is appropriate.

Don't blame and don't bitch - not even to yourself. If you start the process of trying to figure out who's at fault (which is different than figuring out what went wrong), you're going to create a negative atmosphere in your cabal.  Instead of blaming, find some more neutral things to say "We saw things differently" “I gave it my best shot, but it didn’t work.” 

Focus on what's next.  So the thing you tried didn't work? Don't keep dwelling on how and why it didn't work more than is helpful.  You need to take your focus off the past event that you cannot change, and instead put your energy toward what you're doing next.

In short, quit bitching.  Focus on what's next, and try to do it differently next time.  No one wants to hear you bitch, and it's not good for you.

3. Protect Your Self-Esteem

The author of the original article indicates that self-esteem is like an emotional immune system.  This gives people greater resilience.  (Resilience, in this sense, means that you can recover quickly from upset or disturbance.)  In all actuality, the things other people say aren't what determines our self esteem - it's how you react to what people say that determines your self esteem. In this case, YOU are your own worst enemy.  Realize this, and deliberately, intentionally, and mindfully, game the system.

It's a natural human reaction to think about distressing events. This is good and helpful because this focusses our problem solving capabilities on finding ways to avoid or manage distressing events.  However, once you have done the problem solving that you can, you need to stop - otherwise you can excessively dwell on the things that have gone wrong.  This sort of self-centered ruminating or brooding isn't healthy mentally or physically (LINK).  When you identify that you're thinking about something excessively, then find something else to do, fast.  Read a book, watch a movie, find something that engages your brain entirely and doesn't give you enough room to spare (intellectually speaking) to brood.

4. Find ways to be happy.

Research from Harvard (LINK) and Berkley (LINK, and LINK) has shown that being intentionally grateful, and expressing it to the people you're grateful to, has immensely positive effects on you. Take a moment and thank the people that make your life a nice place to be. When you're feeling blue, this can be a great lift. Not only that, but it helps build stronger ties within your cabal, and lets these people know that they're doing a good job (and should keep it up!)

Generosity (LINK, LINK, and LINK) is an extremely important mood-lifter.  Altruism and volunteering have been shown (scientifically!) to make people happy.  So get out there and do something nice for someone for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  Hang out in Kingsmouth and offer to help people on quests.  Get newbies through their first Polaris.  PUG nightmares with some new folks (courtesy of the Noobmares channel LINK).

As a cabal manager - YOU are a very important part of your cabal, so take good care of yourself!


* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

How to motivate and manage people you don't like

Here's a business tip from the Harvard Business Review: LINK to original article

It's you and me against the draug, regardless of how we feel about each other...
(From Funcom's media library)

A cabal (or guild) in a MMO is likely to be a wildly diverse group of people from different age groups, socioeconomic classes, and gaming backgrounds.  As a cabal manager*, you aren't going to really click with all of these people.  And that's normal, natural, expected, and okay. It'd be silly to think that you would be besties with everyone.  However, some folks are just going to rub you the wrong way, perhaps REALLY rub you the wrong way, and when you have those negative feelings towards someone you have a duty to manage, then that can cascade into lower motivation and other suboptimal behaviors that may affect your cabal, and reflect badly on you.

So what do you do?

Option 1) /gkick. This is the easiest solution. Consider carefully if it's the best thing for you and your cabal. Talk to your officers, co-leaders, and/or veterans. If the person in question is really a jerk to everyone (or nearly everyone) and/or is bad for your cabal, then they just have to go. (If you think /gkick is your only option, more HERE on how to /gkick with dignity.)   However if you're not getting along because it's "just" a personality conflict, and if this person is otherwise a good person, this will make you look like a tyrant and may deprive your cabal of someone who's otherwise useful.

Option 2) /ignore. This takes a little more work than /gkick, but a lot less work than adapting. It's certainly do-able, BUT there is awkwardness when people know they can't (or shouldn't) put the two of you in the same group or event.  Plus this may lead to cliques forming within the group. It's hard on the player in question, because - wow, awkward, doesn't get along with you the cabal manager. Furthermore, it's hard on you - it becomes a constant low-level worry. We play these games for fun, so this sort of constant worry or stress is bad news. Your cabal depends on you not burning out, and this is exactly the sort of stress you don't need!

Option 3) Adapt and remediate. This solution is the focus of this post.  It is, by far, the most difficult solution. It's also not always possible. Mainly because it starts with this first step.

You must, MUST take ownership of your feelings about this person.

They do not make you crazy, angry, or unhappy.

You ALLOW them to make you crazy, angry, or unhappy.

And that has to stop, right now.

Inferior or angry, crazy, frustrated, unhappy...
(From izquotes)

If you hear "wow, she is pissin' me off" or "that dude is making me crazy," going through your head, or, worse yet, getting typed into chat, or even worse still, said into your Vent/TS server, you have to stop it, right there. You have to be adult and mindful enough to recognize that you're doing this, stop it, and examine your feelings.  When you do, try to understand WHY you are reacting like that and to understand what is causing it.

This is easy to say, and extremely hard to do. Another reason this is hard? You have to own your feelings - and the person who is aggravating does not. It's nice if they do, but you can't control their actions, you can ONLY control how you react to them. This dichotomy isn't fair, but that's the way life is.  When you fully understand what behaviors, characteristics, and activities you are tempted to react negatively to, then you can start trying to remediate the problem.

The road ahead is steep and rocky!
(From Funcom's media library.)

Recognize that there is a problem, and that it is partially YOUR problem.

If this person is in your cabal, he or she is probably there because YOU, as a cabal manger, let them in.  If they're not working out, then that's because, in part, you messed up in the recruiting process. Let that sink in. This is your fault as well, and you need to start by embracing and owning that.

The main trick to the adapt-and-remediate strategy is to improve the connection between the two of you.  Sometimes, a dose of polite honesty is useful. Let the person know that you're trying to improve the relationship. "I realize that we have not communicated very well in the past, and I would like to try and change that."  (Note the use of "we", which implies you are owning your shortcomings in the communication!)

You need to find a polite, rational, calm, and respectful way to state that something they do is bothering you. Some thoughts on that are here LINK, LINK, and LINK. Sometimes, this is as far as the remediation process goes. The person you're dealing with may say "oh no, I never intended it that way, that's not what I meant, I didn't realize I was doing that..." and all it takes to change the behavior you don't like is a polite mention that you don't like that behavior.


If this person makes you angry, frustrated, or uncomfortable, then spend more time with them.

That seems like exactly the opposite of what is fun, but it's necessary. You need to get to know them as a person.  Recognize, it may be hard for the other party too - it's likely awkward for them knowing that they don't get along with the cabal leader!  Start with small talk about safe subjects, or asking their opinion about simple, non-confrontational things. ("What do you think about the new AEGIS changes?" or "Where do you think the Ricky Pagan storyline is going next?"). You need to get used to this person's quirks so you can start adapting to them AND you need to practice listening to them seriously AND you need to get a feeling for who this person is at a personal level. No, you don't need their life's story, or TMI about their personal habits, but you do need to understand who they are.  Maybe he sounds pissed off in chat all the time, but that's just how he communicates. (Think of this like the text equivalent of Bitchy Resting Face LINK, LINK.) Maybe she just won't shut up ever because she hates pauses in the conversation.  You need to start looking at this person as an actual human being, and not as simply an infuriating behavior.


Find something good about this person.

Even if you have to dig, there's got to be something.  (If there really is nothing good about this person, go back and consider Option 1 above.) This person's habits or ways of expressing his-or-herself might be awkward or annoying, but there has got to be some redeeming quality.  Dwelling on the things that you want this person to change is focus on the negative, so balance that with consideration of what they do well.  Do they lead events? Are they a great tank? Are they willing to RP with potential applicants to your cabal? Do they say the right thing in chat when chat goes off the rails? Does they have a good network of contacts?  You may not ever be able to coax this person away from doing the things you dislike, so constantly reward and encourage them for doing the things you do like.  The point of this is that you have created a situation where you can interact positively with this person.  You've found something you can sincerely thank them for doing. This creates a new dialog between you two, one that is strongly positive. As a bonus, this shows the rest of your cabal that you are being adult and positive about the situation.


Understand what motivates the behavior you don't like.

You need to understand the root causes of the behavior you don't like.  Perhaps this person is pushy,The roots of this self-destructive behavior are unlikely actually self-destructive, the person is probably trying to protect him or herself. Perhaps he or she is pushy or a "spotlight hog" because they are afraid that no one likes them.  Perhaps they're disrespectful because they think they could perform some cabal function better than the person who's currently doing it.  Maybe they're needy and annoying because they just want attention. A lot of these bad behaviors can stem from low self esteem and fear of failure.  Pull the person aside for a private conversation about what happened. As the original article stated:
bullying, overly self-promoting, or being disrespectful.

Dig deep. Ask open-ended questions such as 

“What’s going on for you?” or 

“What did this discussion trigger?” or 

“What are you concerned about?”

Hopefully you'll get some honest answers in return. At that point, you have some ideas on how to encourage behavior you do like. If someone has fragile self-esteem, perhaps you need to give them a small opportunity to be the center of attention (a small RP plot or leading a PvP premade).  If someone is afraid of failure, you might guide them in running a small, very-manageable event (running an elite dungeon, or a RP happy hour at the Horned God).


You can't, and perhaps shouldn't, be everyone's best friend in your cabal - however - if there is significant static between you and one of your guildmates, that's going to wear on you and your cabal. You can try to find a way to re-frame the relationship and find some positive contributions from this person. In the end, you may never be close friends, but at least you can have a good enough relationship to keep this person in your cabal and positively contributing toward it.



* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

How to sell a new idea to your cabal

Cabal management tips from the Harvard Business Review: LINK  and LINK to original articles here and Inc. LINK.

Sometimes you have a great idea. Maybe you let it sit a few days to ferment til it's "perfect"... and then you decide it's ready to launch.

If you are naive, you might think... "It's my cabal. I like them. They like me. I'll just tell 'em the idea and then we'll all go do it. It's be easy!"

Yeah, sometimes it's like that.
(From 9GAG.com)

And, really, it sometimes has a lot less to do with the idea itself than with how you sell it to your cabal. There are better (and worse) ways to sell a new idea to your cabal.  Here are a few things you might keep in mind.

Be Credible

Before you sell the idea, you have to sell yourself as someone people can trust. If you're a cabal manager* you may already have this credibility.  If you're new to a group, you'll have to build credibility.  Show you can get stuff done. Prove that you can deliver by meeting deadlines and doing what you promised. Do small things, like run dungeons reliably once a week for a month or so, or run low-impact RP events like a happy hour. Once you prove you can get stuff done, people are going to be more prepared to listen to you, and more importantly, people will be prepared to work with you.

Be Collaborative

The best way to sell an idea to someone, is to make it THEIR idea, and not YOUR idea.  You have to let go of your idea, give it to these people, let them make it their own.

Think about that.  It sounds almost like a Zen koan.

You must give your idea away in order to make it happen.

You need to get input from the people you're selling it the idea to. Seek their input and incorporate their ideas. The idea needs to grow, change, and adapt to suit the people you want to sell it to - after all, if you want them to buy into or execute this idea, they need to own it.  It needs to be their idea. Not only that, you need to make sure their perspectives and suggestions are notably apparent in your idea.  You should publicly thank the people who give their input and make sure their suggestions are very visible in the updated idea. Give up your ego, and instead make sure the spotlight is on the people who improved your original idea.

This is no longer "your" idea. It's "our" idea. If you can't come to grips with this, you are in trouble.

By collaborating with other people, "our" idea will have grown and changed, and likely improved. If nothing else, it should be better off by the simple fact that there are now a a lot more brain cells thinking about it (LINK, LINK, but also LINK).  Now you need to help harness all this thought and political will to get prepared.

Be Prepared

Think through your idea thoroughly. You need to know it inside and outside, and have a written list of pros and cons. Make sure there are no vague areas. This is one way that collaboration is going to be very helpful to you.  Ask your collaborators to help you come up with that list of pros and cons - they're going to think up things that you never did.  When working with collaborators, make your requests concrete. Gather data that's relevant for your idea, and don't shy away from looking into things that seem to work against your idea. Make sure you understand the downsides so you aren't blindsided by them when the skeptics weigh in.

Also, when you're talking to people about your idea, make sure to look at it from your audience's point of view.  This is also a good way to involve your collaborators. Have them help you customize the message for your audience.

One way to prepare to sell "our" idea is to make sure that the people who support the idea are well educated about it, and can speak to the good (and bad) points. You aren't (and shouldn't be) in this alone. Use your allies to speak where you can't. Once you're prepared, you need to talk to the people who are not enthused (yet!) about "our" idea.

New ideas take some getting used to!
(From Funcom's news articles)

Be Open (to criticism)

Your idea will (likely) have detractors. That's normal and to be expected. Your list of cons that you already prepared with your collaborators has (likely) already scoped out much of what the critics might say. Regardless, you need that opposition to make sure that you get an outside viewpoint. If you're only listening to people who support you, then you're insulating yourself from real feedback. You can get caught in an "echo chamber" where you're only hearing the people that agree with you and confirm your own beliefs without needed critical thought (see LINK, in politics as LINK, but also LINK).

You need to talk to those detractors.  Find the skeptics, and see them in private one-on-one meetings. It's up to you to find them, befriend them, and hear what they have to say and why they have reservations. The idea of a private, one-on-one conversation is critically important. This gives you a chance to focus in on this one person, and their concerns. You need to incorporate their caution, and it's easier to "hear" that in a one-on-one meeting. Listen to these people (LINK, LINK, LINK) - let the critics have their say, uninterrupted.  The point of this meeting is for you to listen to THEM so listen respectfully and make them the center of the show! Make sure they know that you have heard them, and understand them. Sometimes, all a person wants is to be listened to and taken seriously - do that and you may find yourself turning some critics into supporters.

Do not set yourself up where all your critics are in one place to discuss the idea with you. Groups can turn into mobs, and confirmation bias gets out of control (LINK, LINK, LINK).  A few noisy or charismatic critics can sway the opinions of many other people in a group event. Furthermore, this gives the opposition an excellent opportunity to network and share their common concerns. Also, if the meeting turns negative, it can lead you into an "us-versus-them" mentality that where you may be tempted react emotionally. Bad news all around.

This goes back to being credible. By meeting with people, by listening to them respectfully, by treating people who disagree with respect, you will gain credibility for being open to new ideas yourself.

* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

Cabal Recruiting - The Inevitability of Churn and Recruiting for Retention

Cabal recruiting, some thoughts from Inc.: LINK to original article here.

As a cabal manager* the most important thing you can do is recruit.  The nature of MMOs is that there is a constant "churn" of people who come in, play for a while, and move on (more on that here, here, here, and here). Some estimates are that 5%-7% of the player base quits every month (source).

Let that sink in a moment.

5% loss a month, every month. 

You have to look at everything through that lens - nobody is forever. In a cabal of 60 people, that's 3 people a month gone forever.  In a cabal of 20 people, that's just 1 person a month gone forever, though even if that doesn't seem too bad, over one year, on average, a game loses just over half of it's players. Those statistics are for a-level MMOs (like World of Warcraft), so it's not unthinkable that churn is higher in a niche title like The Secret World.  Many of us have known someone that quit the game after the first investigation mission, right?

So given that churn is a thing, how does one deal with it as a cabal manager?

There are (at least) two potential strategies to deal with this.

This is one way to deal with churn
(From memegenerator.net)

1) Recruit all the things.

Set the bar to entry very low and let people in without too much of a hassle. This way, your membership numbers are always high. However, this is going to lead to high turnover, high churn through your cabal. This means that all the time you spent getting to know your cabal mates, helping them through the game content, building up RP stories with them... just gone. Effort wasted - other than the enjoyment you got out of it while you were doing it.



2) Retain your people - slow down churn.
Another strategy is to retain the people you recruit - which brings us to the real point of this post.

Focus on recruiting people you can retain in the long term.

Therefore, how does one recruit?  Here are some thoughts, translated from the world of business, that might help you look at your recruits and decide which ones are best - long term - for your cabal.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...
(From Funcom's media library)

Look for People Who Enjoy the Same Things Your Cabal Does

This seems simple, but it's really not.  Take a good hard look at your cabal. Think about the percentage of time spent on PvP, PvE, RP, and socializing.  If you're running a heavy RP cabal, and someone is more interested in just finding people to chat with in voice while questing, this person isn't going to fit.  If you're a hard-core progression group there might not be a lot of room for a PvPer. Decide or determine what your group does, advertise that honestly, and look for candidates who groove like you do.

Sometimes, as a cabal manager, you may not be sure what your cabal does.  Or you may think you do - and you might be wrong! Definitely talk to your people and ask them how they see your group.  You may find doing an anonymous survey (free via Survey Monkey or Google Forms) very helpful in understanding how your group sees itself.

Look for People Who Fit Your Culture

Wait, what's "culture?" While there are multiple definitions (here,  here, and here) in short, the culture of your group is the expectations of the people within it. It's an amalgam of what's acceptable and what's normal and what's expected.

As a thought experiment, think of something your group thinks is really funny. Picture the most recent in-joke that your group is still chuckling about.  That in-joke is part of your group culture.

This is just a small example of group culture, but it highlights the importance of culture. You're going to want to find people that are also amused by that sort of joke.  Someone who is terribly offended by that joke, or just doesn't get it, is not likely to fit into your cabal very well.

Look out for Jerks!

Seriously. Wheaton's Law rules all.  If you can, observe candidates RPing out in the wild, or approach them on an alt they don't know so they don't know they're being observed. Alternately, look at the character's Twitter stream, or fiction the player posts online.

Is the character a jerk? Is the player a jerk? Is it hard to tell which is which?

In the immortal words of "Sam" from the movie Ronin (skip to 30 sec in), "Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you." If you have any doubt, then wait and consider the candidate for a while longer.

If the candidate you're looking to recruit is a good one, they aren't going anywhere.  "Hire slow, fire fast," is business advice that's been around a while (here, here, here, and also here.)  As a cabal manager, make "hire slow, fire fast" work for you and invest the time on the front end to try to make sure that recruit is going to stick around.




* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

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Outside comments:

"To me, the recruiting approach for a guild is one of the more important decisions that you'll make. And, as you point out, it isn't as easy as one might think. Some of my more successful guilds have had fairly rigorous recruitment processes. They might involve applications, multiple interviews (IC and OOC), and were often designed to require a time commitment on the part of the applicant. It was not uncommon for me to have 60-75% abandonment rate on applications because people weren't willing to wait for the amount of time it took.

That was fine with me. I always wished them well, and if asked, would even refer them to other allied guilds that might suit them better. Part of the reason for the time consuming process was to see if they had the maturity and dedication to make it through.

However, if they did make it, I had very low turnover. Less than 10% annually in most cases.

The drawback was that it could feel to my members like we weren't growing very quickly. For some types of content (like dungeons / raids / pvp) it helps to have a larger population of players. I'd have to continually encourage them that we were going to make the progress to get there, it was just going to take time.

Thankfully, since many of them had been through my long recruiting process, I also had members who were able to understand that "quick fixes" weren't likely and they stuck with it."
Jonray - The Secret World Forums, 12-02-2014

Letting Someone Go With Dignity - The Dreaded GKick

Here's a business tip from the New York Times Boss Blog: LINK to original article

It's The Secret World MMO. It's just a game.

But...

Having to part ways with someone in your cabal can be nearly as distressing as firing someone from a job.  Sure, it's not like you're depriving them of wages, or upsetting their family finances, and sure, it's far easier to find another cabal than it is another job.

But...

It still hurts.  Both the person who is let go, and the people who let them go, often experience significant stress. On the cabal management side, it's often far more appealing to just let it slide for longer and longer and longer.  Unsurprisingly, if you have someone in your cabal that really needs to go, this is just going to let those reasons fester, and maybe spill out onto more of your people.

On the personal side, being "fired" is a statement that "you don't belong here and/or we just don't like you." As terrible as it is to say to someone, it's worse when that someone is you! It will affect their self-worth, their confidence, and can be humiliating.

Which is why the mantra "hire slow, fire fast,” is a thing. The firing process is so traumatic - for everyone, that you want to avoid it if you can, and if you can't, you need to do it right.

This is where we part ways...
(From Funcom's media library)

Recruitment mistakes happen. They just do. Someone looks good "on paper" in the application, but then once they're on the inside, you may find out they're not a good fit. That's not the applicant's fault - it's yours for recruiting them!  Therefore you owe it to them to to make the exit process as gentle as possible.  This is in your own best interest because the less you hurt that person's feelings, the less resentment and backlash you'll have to deal with.  (The bigger problem here is recruiting the wrong people, or too many people, but that's another problem for another post.)  Here are some things to keep in mind when you start thinking it's time to part ways with one of your cabalmates.

Can't I just ignore this person?

Short answer, no, its bad for your cabal and it's bad for YOU as a person.  You're doing the rest of your cabal a great disservice. A lesson from the business world (from Danny Boice, the co-founder and CTO of Speek) is that you are, as a cabal manager, likely to spend more time dealing with the minority of people in your cabal who are problematic than the majority of people who are doing great. So you are, essentially wasting your time with problem management rather than investing your time and energy into the people who are awesome.

Let me ask you this question. If you're a cabal manager, what's more likely to get you down and contribute to burnout - dealing with the problems, or working with the people who are fun, active, and working towards your cabal goals?

You can't just ignore the people who are dragging you, and your cabal down.  If you've got someone that is consistently a thorn in your side, then it's time to consider parting ways - it's best for you, and it's best for the people who are depending on you.

By the time you get to this point, you should have had several heart-to-heart conversations about what's not working.  It's unfair (in most circumstances) to just kick someone without making a sincere effort to try to get them more settled into your cabal culture.  There are exceptions, but they're usually cases of extreme malfeasance that we're not going into here.

Let go of your pride - the mistake is yours, not theirs.

If you get to the point where you need to ask someone to leave your cabal, you need to admit that YOU were the one that screwed up the recruiting process.  Putting aside your pride, and owning the blame for the situation should be high on your list. Consider apologizing to the person that because 1) it's true and 2) it may help them decide to move along voluntarily.

Let it be their decision to go.

The key to letting someone go with dignity is to help them realize that they are better off somewhere else. It's much less embarrassing to move on than to be gkicked. Try to lead them to the discussion.  Even a simple set of questions can be useful. "Are you happy here? How do you feel your role in this group is working out? Where do you see yourself going in the future?" Focus on where the person wants to go - and point out that this is the time for this person to go do that thing. Maybe they want to start their own group. Maybe they want a group that focuses on different things than your own cabal does. Maybe they need more structure - or maybe less! Regardless, focus on this person's "dream cabal".  He or she may decide that it's in their best interest to strike out in a new direction - and it really is. If it evolves into a situation where the person is voluntarily moving on, then that way, the person is still in charge of his fate, and can go with dignity.

Don’t procrastinate.

If you've tried to remediate this person, and you know it's not going to work out, then don't procrastinate. There are few things more demotivational than having someone in your group that is a problem - and for the rest of your cabal to see you (a cabal manager*) doing nothing about it!  In some cases, this can be seen as a tacit approval of the very behaviors that make the person in question a poor fit for your cabal culture.

Be clear about what happens next and help them as much as you can.

Let them know, at the end of the conversation, what happens next.  You might give them some time to say goodbye to friends in your website, but take them out of the in-game cabal immediately (so there are no unfortunate temptations with items in the cabal bank). Do whatever is best for your group.

Also, let them know if you're willing to help them find another cabal. Sometimes, if it's just a question of fit, you might be willing to help the person relocate.

Announce it to the cabal and let them say goodbye.

Hopefully, the person sees this as his or her decision, and sees that (in reality) this is in their own best interests. Ideally, it can be announced as the person's decision.  Sometimes a forum post on your own website is the appropriate medium (so the entire group can see it), sometimes a discussion in game on your cabal chat channel is better. Regardless, find something nice to say about this person if you can. If they've contributed to your group at all, now is the time to call attention to that and thank them - honestly - for what they have done.

When someone leaves, make sure that the cabal managers can be around in your forums/chat and in game to make sure to quell negativity.  People may need time to adjust and/or grieve and you would rather be there than not. Be sure to tell your people the truth - that the split was in everyone's best interests.


* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

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Outside comments:

"Whenever someone left my guilds/cabals, I've always cautioned my guild members the same way. "How we treat someone who leaves is going to say more about who we are as a guild than how we treated them when they were here." That is true whether it was a voluntary or involuntary separation.

I always tried to make sure that when I had to /kick someone from my guild, they understood why. They may not agree, but I tried to help them understand. In the best cases, I would ask them to voluntarily leave the guild rather than being forced to /kick them."

Jonray - The Secret World Forums, 12-02-2014

How To Know When Your Cabal Has A Crisis It Can't Ignore

Here's a business tip from the Harvard Business Review: LINK to original article

One of the great truths of the universe - as unyielding as the laws of thermodynamics - is this:

Crises happen.

It's human nature.  Generally, as a cabal manager* you can deal with these as they come up, but then, something happens, and you have a sense of Keanu-like "whoa" as you realize this problem is on a whole new level compared to the others.

Suddenly, this thing becomes a turning point for the whole group. Often these kind of crises may take months to develop, but then are sprung in one spectacular moment. It's when you realize that "the way we do things around here" is suddenly no longer workable, and there needs to be some sort of large-scale paradigm shift in who or what the cabal is all about. This is not necessarily a negative thing (though it certainly may be).

That's something we can't ignore!
(From Funcom's media library)

• Maybe it's a RP thing, where after a months of casual RP, you realize that NOW is the time to take the cabal in a somewhat different direction that makes a lot more sense or provides excellent RP opportunities.
• Or maybe it's an OOC cultural shift that you realize will make your cabal a kinder, nicer place to be, or more appealing to various demographics.
• Or maybe it's a personality thing, and part of your cabal decides to strike out on their own as an entirely new group.
• Maybe it's an organizational thing. When your cabal was smaller, organization was casual. Now that you're bigger, more structure is needed.

Regardless, the big unignorable moments involve a culture crisis within your group.  At this point, as a cabal manager you have a choice to either ignore it or embrace it.

Spoiler alert: Ignore at your own peril. 

Sometimes, these are just the kind of changes that are desperately needed by your community.

Sometimes the crises start making your player-base start questioning what your organization stands for, or what it's really trying to do.  If you ignore it, you're looking at (perhaps) stifling dissent, bickering, and paralysis.  If you embrace it, you're looking at (perhaps) deep change which may lead to a stronger group.

So how do you know when you're at that moment where you have a challenge that you cannot ignore, or treat with the same old methods.  The Harvard Business Review suggests that, given their analyses of business cases, these unignorable moments have four characteristics in common.

1. They are public.
2. They are irreversible.
3. They are systemic.
4. They challenge identity.

They are public.

Your definition of "public" may vary. This might mean it's widely visible to people inside your organization, or even visible to people outside of your organization. Perhaps it was something that snowballed on Twitter or on the public TSW or TSW-RP.com forums.  Maybe it was something that happened in one of the more populated areas in game.  Regardless, there is a large group of people interested in, perhaps invested in, the outcome of the crisis.

They are irreversible.

Once it's said in public, there are no takebacks. No amount of "retcon" of RP is going to fix the way people's feelings have changed because of the crisis.  People might forgive, but they aren't likely to forget.  Whatever happened, it's going to change the way people think about your group, or the way the people in your cabal think about that cabal.

They are systemic.

Unignorable moments are, at their root, based on "the way we do things around here."  Maybe it's the way someone feels recruits are being handled, or the way the leadership of the cabal works, or the balance of the cabal's focus on PvE versus RP events. Regardless, they are a root-level challenge to the way the cabal has been in the past.

They challenge identity.

The unignorable moment - because it is systemic - can bring up uncomfortable uncertainty about the organizational identity.  Are we a light RP cabal or have we turned into a heavy RP cabal?  Are we a RP cabal or have we turned into a more PvE/Social cabal?  Are our characters the bad guys, or are they really the good guys? There becomes a dissonance between what the group was and what it is becoming.

The flip side.

Change is terrifying, and the unignorable moment is the herald of change.  It's far, far, far better to realize that you are in a position where your cabal must change, and to manage it mindfully, rather than to just react to things as they occur.  The way the cabal management approaches the unignorable moment can define the future course of the group - for the better!



* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

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Outside comments:

"Crisis management is critical to cabal management. And it becomes even more important for the leadership to identify it and have a strategy for how to handle it rather than playing things "off the cuff". Emotional responses aren't going to help anyone."

Jonray - The Secret World Forums, 12-02-2014

The difference between leaders and managers (guest column by Captrench)

The difference between leaders and managers, in the business world and the game world, as reported from a man who knows the trenches - Captrench from the TSW Forums.  (Original post here).  This post is entirely his/her work.

"This is actually a topic that for the past two years has never been far from my mind. Although I've led teams in the past, I've started accumulating more "senior" type responsibilities, in a much more formal and structured sense than before. 

I've started appreciating the difference in skill and effort required between getting the best out of a team of like minded individuals, and a team of those who are not. Its easy to say "See? Simples!" when your team is full of "can do" people with work ethics you relate with and understand.

But that's a bit obvious and self serving. You haven't had to show any skill or effort yourself, because the team is low maintenance and motivated already. The challenge, and skill/effort, is for when your team or individual members is much less than ideal.

To me, there are two generic skills that often get mixed together and used interchangeably, despite being very different and distinct. And that becoming aware of these made it easier for me to appreciate my own bosses/managers, their strengths and weaknesses. Which in turn, now, also helps me to known my own. These are, Management and Leadership. Each is distinct, but each on its own in isolation can lead to extreme scenarios best avoided.

Roughly, Management is the ability to prioritise and organise work needed with the resources needed to accomplish it, to maximise resource expense with result gained.

Leadership is the ability to inspire and generate the desired behaviours, and enforce the ethics of, the relevant role. The leadership shown by and required of say, a bereavement counsellor, to their team of social workers might be very different than that required of the leader of a squadron of soldiers under enemy fire.

That's enemy "fire"... literally.
(From Funcom's media library)

As a technician, I find I'm a better "leader", than I am a manager. And as a senior within my field, that is the lions share of what is required of me. I need to set the correct example of behaviour and ethics, mentor those junior to me, nurture confidence, technical knowledge. I try to teach (passionately) that accountability is much more important than pure technical excellence, and ensure that mistakes admitted to are not a rod to be beaten with. My favourite adage is "Experience, unfortunately, is a greater teacher than foresight". We will all make mistakes.

I'm also very emphatic about asking questions, and the importance of repeating the question until you understand what's required. I don't remember anything until I've been through it myself, and struggled through all the usual gotchas. So I don't expect anyone I mentor to be a memory master of what's now intuitive to me. Asking is smart, breaking systems because you didn't ask (again) is dumb. If its me you will ask... ask, ask and ask again. I don't care.

I'm very passionate about ethics, principles and the "right" thing to do, both personally and professionally. But its also a huge overhead. It can take huge emotional, effort and time investment. Dogmatically sticking to principles at all costs can cause unnecessary friction, and limit progress, which professionally is really short sighted, and career limiting. This is where Management comes in.

My passion for moral principles and professional ethics is an overhead, which I'm happy to pay, but it can cause problems when I have to "manage" difficult situations/personalities. Developing a "manager head", I have to remember that how I have to handle a situation may differ very much from my emotional response to it. How I present an idea to people needs to cater to the audience, not a simplistic "Follow me!".

When a flood of emotions rushes you, you cant efficiently erect a dam to block them, you have to channel them constructively. Easier said than done, for me. But over the last few years I've started appreciating that I need to be a little more sophisticated in my responses. The "right" thing to do in principle may not be achieved simply by insisting its so.

Whether in social groups, such as Guilds, or business, I appreciate leaders and managers (especially people who can be both) much more now. I've had managers with no leadership skills, and vice versa and each comes with its issues. Also, not all roles require both specifically, so it may be perfectly acceptable to have pure management or leader roles.

Principles are often horizons we aim for. How we get to them is rarely a straight line. Insisting on the straight line will have you crash into every wave and landmass along the way. Management of the journey is how make that journey as efficient and painless as possible, whilst still aiming for the principle."

Dealing with immediate problems - pause with poise

Another cabal management tip from the Harvard Business Review: LINK to original article here.

As MMO players (and roleplayers) we communicate a lot by text.  And sometimes, that can lead to arguing, or just disagreeing, by text which can get complex, politically sensitive, or even unnerving. There's also a culture of immediacy to the event - "I know you're on line!" or "I know you're in game!"- that urges us to respond to all of these emails sooner rather than later. In fact, people (particularly people who have a problem they are bringing to you in your capacity as a cabal manager*) may get upset if you don't reply to them near-instantly.

Most of us are smart enough to pause for a moment, but often we don't take the time to fully theorycraft the best response, or to get advice before responding.

Sometimes you need to look for a middle ground between "immediate reply" and "well thought out answer."

Here are some ways to give yourself a little time to pause with poise.

Sometimes, you don't have the luxury of time to think!
(From Funcom's media library)

Suboptimal: "I got your message" or "okay". Hey, at least the person knows they're not being ignored.

Better: "I got your message, and I'm swamped today.  Let's talk tomorrow, okay?" They may demand to talk now, but you should stick to your guns and schedule a time to talk once you've done your thinking.

Now that you've got some time, what are you going to do with it?  The Harvard Business Review calls these the Four Cs of Effective Communication: context, content, contact, and channel.

Context – Consider who else is involved and what they want and need from the reply.

Content – Particularly since most of these communications are by text, make sure that your response is mindfully deliberate.  Run it by a neutral party to make sure you're being clear.

Contact – Think it through, and confirm that you're the right person to respond. Maybe you need to pass the question off to a different officer or cabal leader, or perhaps to someone else with expertise.

Channel – Just because someone catches you in game, or via IM, or by email, that doesn't mean you have to respond that way.  Sometimes it's better to set up a "real time" conversation in game or via IMs rather than respond by email - or vice versa.

Take your time and get it right - and remember to take the option to pause with poise before hitting that send button.



* Cabal manager is an inclusive term that indicates a cabal leader, a cabal officer, or a cabal veteran that is widely looked up to even without a formal leadership title.

Credit where credit is due!

Here's a business tip from the Harvard Business Review: LINK to original article

The article is short, barely more than a paragraph, but it speaks to something every cabal manager must do, which is to give public thanks and appreciation (credit) to the people in his or her cabal.

The people in a cabal work for for that cabal. They are perhaps roleplayers who create content to entertain the people in the cabal. Perhaps they are PvErs who have set up a dungeon run, or organize some way to get people through the content.  Maybe they're social leaders who set up a fun way to get people into voice chat and who provide a way for people to enjoy the game together.

Regardless, these people are the people in your cabal that you, as a cabal manager, are strongly encouraged to "pay".  Of course, we're not talking about money changing hands, or even in game loot. No, that's not what these people are "working" for. There are far easier ways to get loot than to work on creating group content.

They want credit.  

They want their contributions, work, organization, and planning to be acknowledged - preferably in public.  Sure, the people who were entertained by their efforts are likely to say 'thank you' and that's part of the equation.  However, as a cabal leader or officer, you should be very grateful for these people, and you should make sure they (and everyone else) knows it.

So, say something in cabal chat to thank them.  Consider posting something on your cabal forums. Jump into voice chat and make sure to tell them thank you - and be bold about doing so where other people can hear it!

Sometimes it's complex trying to assign credit when several people collaborated on an event. Make sure that you're appropriately congratulating the people that coordinated on it - AND - make sure you're focusing on group success over individual contributions.

Suboptimal: "Thanks Fred! Good job Velma! I hear that Shaggy and Daphne helped, too."

Better: "Thanks folks, that was a great event! You got a whole lot of people through the Halloween content. People seem really happy.  Nice work!"

In the prior case, perhaps some people feel like their contributions are being marginalized, and you might make the very human mistake of forgetting someone on the team.  The latter example reinforces teamwork, and stresses the results, rather than who did what.

Also, don't forget to recognize the effort that people put into an event or initiative even if it flops. Maybe it was just at a time that wasn't convenient for people, or the event itself didn't appeal to the player base. Some events are just not going to work - people aren't perfect - occasional failure is just a part of life. Be sure to appreciate the attempt - this encourages people to take risks AND it encourages these same people to try again and improve.